L lives in the South with her daughters and her husband.
Why did you decide to get married?
I got married because after dating for 8 years, I felt I wanted a family of my own. At the time I didn’t think I could have children, but I wanted to know I was connected in a familial sense to someone besides my immediate family. This was my one chance to pick my family because I wouldn’t have picked the lot I was born with. We did live together before we were married, but I wanted to be connected in every way.
What did you think marriage was going to be like?
I wasn’t really sure what I thought marriage was going to be like. For a long time I did not think I wanted to get married so I didn’t put much thought into it. I hadn’t wanted to because I saw how it destroyed my mom after my dad died and I remember how it hurt me and I didn’t ever want to deal with that again. I didn’t think I could handle that devastation again so it was easier to keep that distance. What changed was I met someone I would rather be with and take the chance of future hurt, rather than miss out on what I had with him now.
Where do you think you got your ideas/concept/narrative about marriage?
I think my perception of marriage is based on what I saw from my parents. They were a true partnership where each individual success was truly shared by the whole family.
How do you feel about the word “wife”?
I don’t have much thought about the word wife. To me it is a title much like Doctor, Attorney, Mr., Ms. or Mother.
Why did you make the decision you made about your name?
I did not change my name as a way to keep hold of something only my father could give me. That and it is a part of my identity and i did not want to lose that part of my individual self just because I am now part of a new unit.
Do you think your relationship with your partner has changed since you got married?
I do not think our relationship has changed because we married. I do think it has changed, but because of the amount of time we have been together and the nature of sharing responsibility for the lives of our daughters.
What have you learned about yourself since you’ve been married?
I have learned that even thought I feel very secure about my relationship with my husband, I still have moments where i don’t feel as if I deserve the amazing man I married.