L lives in Washington DC.
Why did you decide to get married?
I decided to get married because I met someone who made every day life “fun” and “interesting”. I initially was more interested in just being “friends” with my current husband…but one day, something just changed. It was the feeling that I didn’t want to live without him, day to day. We just made sense together and things were really just easy. There was no drama, we were 100 percent ourselves around each other, and it was a very peaceful existence.
What did you think marriage would be like?
I definitely felt that marriage would include more “romance”…but I have come to learn that true romance is in the everyday little gestures. I’ve still never received flowers or anything traditionally “romantic” from my husband…but when he brings home milk when I need it, or runs to the store to buy heartburn medication at weird hours, that is more special…it’s more real.
Where do you think you got your ideas/concept/narrative about marriage?
I got my ideas/ concepts about marriage from my parents, who have been married for over 40 years…also my grandparents on both sides were married for over 50 years, before one partner passed. I always had very positive role models for what a healthy marriage looked like.
What are your feelings on the word “wife”?
I definitely feel that it is an archaic word…we rarely use the terms “husband” and “wife” anyway…I think it’s just assumed…although my husband never wears a ring, so sometimes we do need to say “this is my husband” , when introducing each other. Wife kind of is a strange word…doesn’t mean much really. I do think “partner” is stronger in connotation.
Why did you make the decision you made about your name?
It took me almost a year to change my name…it’s hard to have the same name for 32 years, and then all of a sudden “poof” you’re someone else. Honestly, it was mainly changed for logistical reasons…it’s easier with bank accounts, finances, and joint assets…also, we knew that we wanted to have children and thought it would be best to all have the same “family” name.
Do you think your relationship with your partner has changed since you got married?
Yes, absolutely! Our relationship has had many ups and downs in the short time (year and a half) that we’ve been married…we’ve gone through a lot of family drama together, that have caused lots of hardships. I changed jobs and got pregnant, which are two huge life changers. We’ve learned to be patient with one another and to communicate better, through adverse situations.
What have you learned about yourself since you’ve been married?
I’ve learned that I am still the same exact person I was, before I was married. I am still introverted and need my “alone” time. My husband knows this. We sleep in different rooms and always have, just because it is more comfortable to us. We get a better night sleep! I still see my friends, just as much, if not more, than before we were married. My husband and I don’t actually have a lot in common, aside from our love of dogs.