you are deeply loved. (pass it on)

I just came back from a 6 day long training, and I have another one (on a totally different subject) this weekend. I feel like a puppy who just doesn’t get it.

I spent a lot of time this past weekend thinking about the following:

1.  I must have answered the “what do you do” question a million times last week, and every time I said I was a writer, I braced myself for that “Oh, sure you are” face. It never came, I don’t think. If I had to choose a superpower, it would definitely not be mind-reading.

2. What if I didn’t feel like I had to disclaim my work by saying things like “I sort of..”?  What if we could see ourselves clearly, instead of feeling bad about taking up space?  I was positive that I did a terrible job facilitating a conversation on Saturday, but everyone else saw what I perceived as clumsy as thoughtful and engaged. I wish I could have seen that. What is it that some people  have that lets them know their strengths? (Oh, right. A penis.)

3. In a month, I’ll be in Israel. Today, on a phone call, someone asked what it meant to be in a relationship with a place. I feel like I’m always trying to answer that question and the answer is always different. Right now, I feel like the answer regarding Israel is that the closer I get to being there again, the more ravenous I become and the more I forget how hard it is to be there for an extended period of time. (Maybe it’s like pregnancy?)

4.  I’m cheating on one fictional character with another. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it feels really hard. On the other hand, New Character is awesome, so in some ways, it’s amazing to be in my head right now.

lovely: my long, random walk just now. the new weepies album, which is glued to my ears. the word “druthers.” my red flannel birthday shirt. greg brown. the kind of cold for which you need many layers. the expectation of unfinished business.

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