fancying and scowling and eating

 

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Last night I went with E and her family to The Greatest Yiddish Literature Party Ever (that’s seriously what it was called), at which writers read works by or inspired by Sholem Aleichem.Then we went and drank coffee and ate delicious pastries and E’s sister, L, told me that I was wearing Brenda Walsh lipstick, which is up there with the most excellent compliments I have ever received. There is a post to be written about this lovely evening, about how hard it is for me to spend time with people’s families, and how difficult it is to conceive of families who not only like each other, but parents who seem to respect their kids and who they’re becoming. You can’t know what goes on, really, but sometimes it’s nice to sit in the space of not knowing, when you can believe what you see.

Then I came home and made a pair of shorts out of a pair of pants and wrote some pitches.

****

Today, I was in the Lincoln Center Atrium, scowling at the computer, and accidentally (seriously, accidentally) overheard some women talking about calories. As in, “Those chips have a lot of calories. Guacamole has a lot of calories.”  (Where are these chips? Where is this guacamole? Do they sell it here? Did I know that? If the answer is yes, why do I have neither chips nor guacamole?)

I felt myself getting angry and annoyed and sensitive,because I was totally judging these thin women for discussing calories, and I was imagining them judging me, for not being thin and not caring about calories as I proceeded to eat an egg and cheese bagel. I don’t count calories and I don’t diet, it’s useless and leads to perpetually injured bodies and self esteem. In terms of playing into a system, judging women who do diet is also pretty crappy. (These women might not actually have been dieting, I didn’t hear that stated explicitly, but that’s not the point.) On both ends, we think we’re doing it for the other’s own good, there’s a level of superiority. We’re punishing each other, and as long as it’s done under the guise of keeping one another in line, there’s no letting each other off the hook.

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